The Columbia Heart Beat

Columbia, Missouri's All-Digital, Alternative News Source

Thu09202018

Last update02:55:25 AM

Desktop | Android | iPhone

STACEY AND ERIC: A Gov Story

One that makes housecalls

(Wanna know WTF we're funning about? Read this story FIRST!

COLUMBIA, Mo 3/16/18 (Humor) --  One year as a "rising star" Missouri State Rep, and the asks just kept coming.
 
Sponsor this.
 
Vote for that.
 
Lunch with a lobbyist? 
 
Selfie with my kids?
 
Speak at our event.
 
Interview, ma'am? Comment, please?  (Where the hell's a Capitol Cop when you need one?)
 
Home from Jeff City (St. Louis -- YAY!) for the weekend, Stacey dashed in the door, dropped her coat, briefcase, i-whatever, and crashed on the couch. Finally:  A moment's peace. 
 
Of course, the fu--- cell had to buzz! 
 
"Yes, Mrs. Newman?  Eric."
 
Eric who?
 
"Greitens, ma'am. Eric Greitens. You know. I gave you my resume."
 
Yeah...Yes!  I remember. The handsome young man who wants to get into politics. With all the degrees and stuff after his name. I remember you.
 
"Yeah, well, I was...uh...having some second...uh...thoughts on, you know -- our party."
 
Our party? What party?
 
 
The Democratic Party? Second thoughts? About what?
 
"Well, you know...I heard on Fox News that it's...you know..."
 
Fox News? You listen to THAT tabloid trash?
 
"Well, yeah. Doesn't everybody?"
 
NOT!
 
"Anyway...they said our party...I mean, your, uh, party, is well -- hypocritical."
 
That's outrageous, Eric. I'm shocked to hear you say such a thing. And I thought you wanted to be Governor some day!
 
"Well, uh...I still do...I mean, as a Re...RE..."
 
 
"Yes, ma'am. Republican. GOP. Grand Old...is it Party?"
 
Eric Robert Greitens -- you are NOT going to become a Republican Governor. That's simply out of the question. I can't believe you'd come to me with such patent nonsense.
 
"Well, uh...ma'am. I was...I had another request."
 
Oh for heaven's sake. 
 
"I've got an interview with Ann Coulter in about an hour. You know -- the lady with the hair? I'm feeling way under prepared.  Would you happen to know a good hairdresser?"
 
Ann Coult...Wait, what? A hairdress...  
 
"One that makes housecalls would be GREAT!  I'm really pressed for time."
 
 

CoMo Calendar

September 2018
S M T W T F S
26 27 28 29 30 31 1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 1 2 3 4 5 6